A little detour in my period journey for a minute to focus on the perfect body that I have been trying to achieve since I was like 15.
Growing up, I always remembered my Mom and her side of the family taking about weight. Specifically my Mom always counting calories, talking about how fat she was and making sure she was always exercising to burn off whatever "bad" food she ate. Her side of the family was always talking about (and still talk about) this persons fat, that persons skinny, "wow, look so and so is gaining weight". I'll never forget the day my grandmother asked me if I was pregnant (when I was actually trying to get pregnant). I asked "Why did you ask me if I was pregnant?". She responded "You look heavy". I was crushed to say the least.
My strive for the perfect body continued with me for most of my high school years and through college. Though it didn't really kick into high gear until it was time for my wedding. I HAD to be perfect for this day. I couldn't look fat in pictures, I had to fit into my size 4 wedding dress. So my healthy, clean eating whatever the hell you want to call it was in full effect along with a strict exercise regime. Wedding came, I LOOKED great I finally did it. I was happy in my own skin! Or so I thought......
The wedding went by and I could finally have some "bad" foods again and lay off the exercise a bit, PHEW! My mind needed a break from all the obsessing over the wedding, my diet and how I would look that day. With any "diet" and strict exercise regime once you go off you start to gain weight. Ugh, but I worked so hard I couldn't gain weight again, I was finally "happy". Then started the viscous guilt cycle and body comparison hell. I would look in the mirror and compare myself to my "wedding body" and just wished I could look that way again. We went on our honeymoon 6 months later to Aruba and I was super excited but a part of me wasn't because I was "FAT" again. The picture on the left is "fat" Cynthia and the picture on the right is the "super fat" Cynthia ( I was really just bloated from all-inclusive eating), so fat she couldn't take her bathing suit cover up off during some of her honeymoon pics because she didn't want to remember herself this "fat" in the picture. Seriously?! How could I be this mean to myself?!
Stay tuned for a future blog post on the "Perfect Body" and how I over came all of the above.
Weekly blog posts continue on my journey of regaining my period, having children and becoming the best version of myself !
Who Needs a Period? They are a pain in the a** anyway !