The dreaded TWW. Two weeks where you wonder if you will conceive or not. Two weeks when you wonder, am I going to have to go through fertility treatments again and everything that comes along with it? Two weeks where your scared to sneeze wrong thinking it might decrease your chances of getting pregnant. Two weeks where you question so many things.
Two weeks where you live your life in the present moment and being so proud of yourself for being SO strong to go through fertility treatments. Thinking to yourself, whatever happens, happens. This is my journey and I accept all that comes my way. I decided the dreaded TWW wasn't for me. I tried it once and let most of those negative thoughts penetrate my mind. That wasn't fun for anyone. Not for me, not for my body or my husband. This time around I let those thoughts go if they entered my mind and focused on being mindful through gentle yoga and meditation. I also surrounded myself with family and friends ( even though they didn't know what I was going through) and treated myself with loving kindness. Don't get me wrong, this didn't make the TWW move any quicker! Those two weeks are seriously the longest two weeks of your life. Try to stay busy if you can, but most importantly stay positive and treat yourself kindly.
During my TWW, Thanksgiving was here and all the fun of the holiday season was underway. We also celebrated my nephews baptism during the TWW (picture above). It was a joyful time for myself and my family. Of course I had thoughts of maybe next Thanksgiving we will have our baby with us or I can't wait to celebrate my child's Baptism. All beautiful thoughts, there is nothing wrong with hoping and wishing in a positive way. It is when these thoughts may turn to envy or jealousy that it can be detrimental to your mind and well-being.
So, the TWW was coming to an end. I had my HCG drawn and I would call the next day to find out my results. I had to travel for work the day I was going to find out. I waited until I was done working for the day to find out the results. I felt that if I found out before work and I wasn't pregnant I would be sad all day and if I was pregnant I would be so excited I couldn't concentrate. So I walked to my car and called the nurse before I left to travel back home. My heart was pounding. I was put on hold. I brought myself back to the time I called when she told me I wasn't pregnant and quickly got those thoughts out of my head. The nurse gets back on the phone and says "Well Cynthia, your obviously pregnant". I shed tears writing this over 2 years later. It took so much change, so much hard work and so much love to bring me here. I did it, I finally was pregnant. Note, I did have some symptoms during my TWW like increased hunger, some cramping and some insomnia. My hair fell out from the time I had my first fertility treatment in May and had finally stopped when I conceived. I was so thankful for my hair to stop falling out as it reminded me each day what I was going through. Anyway, the fertility drugs themselves can mimic pregnancy symptoms, I didn't want to get too excited. So it was not obvious to me I was pregnant.
I had a 1.5 hour drive back home and I wanted to wait to tell my husband in person but I couldn't. So I called him as soon as I got off the phone with the nurse. We were both overjoyed !
Who Needs a Period? They are a pain in the a** anyway !