On my drive home after finding out I was pregnant I was crying, shaking and overjoyed. I was really pregnant! I just couldn't believe it. It seemed to good to be true. Immediately some of my old thinking started to kick in. I started to get so nervous that I could lose the baby. I had to go through multiple HCG draws to make sure it continued to increase for a viable pregnancy. After about the third draw and continued increase I started to ease up. Still, knowing the first trimester was such a touchy time I really had to get my shit together and calm down.
We had our first ultrasound, we were so excited to see the baby. Little did we know we weren't seeing a baby yet LOL but just a little dot with a sac. I was very early and they couldn't detect a heart beat yet. Which was completely normal. Everything looked great the RE said. We would be seeing the RE until he felt I was ready to transfer to my OB-GYN. During the first 12 weeks I had to give myself progesterone suppositories to make sure my lining was nice and thick for baby. The uterus eventually takes over. We planned on sharing our news with our parents and siblings on Christmas Eve. I would be about 9 weeks at this point. I did share our news to the Hypothalamic Amenorrhea TTC Facebook group right away as those girls had been through thick and thin with me ! I was so excited to share our news in a group that really helped me get where I am today. Special shout out to Dr. Nicola Rinaldi for helping me navigate my fertility treatment and Anna Phelan for creating such an amazing Facebook support group.
From the time we found out at around 5 weeks until the first trimester was completed, I had to try really hard to keep my worry at bay. Waves of anxiety would come over me and I would think "I tried so hard to get pregnant and its been such a long, hard journey, what am I going to do if I lose the baby?!" I know this was a normal feeling to have ESPECIALLY after the journey I had been on. I decided I was not going to let these thoughts get the best of me. I decided to turn any bad thought into something real or positive. Plus I wanted to be 100% completely present during this pregnancy. One of my mantras was "Wherever I am, is where I am supposed to be". A mantra is a word/phrase that is repeated that expresses ones beliefs. This helped me a ton, as the crazy thoughts poured in I would say this mantra. I also continued regular meditation/breathing and yoga practice.
Finally around week 7 I started feeling crappy. Nausea and food/smell aversions. I was SO excited to feel this ! It was so cool to finally experience what you heard from other pregnant people. I was so grateful to have aversions to food and smell. I also became a vegetarian (baby's choice, not mine) during pregnancy. The thought of meat was so gross to me ! I found many other ways to get adequate protein for baby and I.
The word was finally out to our family on Christmas Eve. To share this news we waited SO long for was such a blessing during such a beautiful time of year. I didn't want to wish time away but I couldn't wait for the second trimester knowing my miscarriage rate would go down and also to share our blessed news with all !
Stay tuned to my pregnancy journey, having a beautiful little boy and regaining my cycle post partum.
Dr. Rinaldi and help with fertility navigation.
Hypothalamic Amenorrhea TTC Facebook support group
Who Needs a Period? They are a pain in the a** anyway !